Well it’s June, and since I’ve been in the habit of only writing once a month, I think it’s that time again!
Nobody likes feeling stuck. Whether it’s stuck in a bad relationship, dead-end job, or gum stuck to your shoe, being stuck is the worst.
That’s how I felt for a majority of last year; stuck.
I didn’t want to live where I was living, but saw no other choice. I didn’t want to be in the relationship I was in, but was waiting for a change. When I moved here, I felt that lighter, less trapped. It was a chance to start over on all levels.
Unfortunately, I became stuck in a job that I didn’t love. I felt my creativity and intelligence being stifled, leaving me restless and unfulfilled. Like many other people my age, I’m still don’t have a set career in mind. I know I love writing and working with other people, which comes in many different jobs, but I can’t think of the perfect fit.
That’s also how I feel with living in general. I love where I currently am and enjoy every minute of it, but that restlessness looms over my shoulder. Part of me wants to be established in this still relatively new city and make a life for myself, while the other part wants to ditch the normalcy and return to the life of a nomad.
This will be the first summer that I’m working a ‘real job.’ I won’t get to trapeze around a foreign country unsure of my next move. It’s crazy that while I was freelance writing, I spent so much time fretting over the (non-existent) judgement I might get for not working a typical, 9-5 job, while saving for my dream home/wedding/future children’s college funds/pony.
In reality, that was perfect for me! I had the flexibility to work from quite literally wherever in the world I wanted. I was writing, which I love to do–ya know except for the scut work that I had to start with.
I’m glad that I had that experience and one in a more conventional setting because it’s starting to help guide me in some sort of direction. Even if I don’t know exactly what I want in a career, I know that I crave the flexibility that a desk job can’t provide. I want to write, to move, to meet people, and to stack up too many deadlines for myself; I want to be in control.
It’s easy to get caught up in the articles and lists that tell you how to live your life and what you need to do to achieve happiness. Some people are really passionate about quotes and base their dreams, lifestyles, and actions around them. I know that it’s bad when I start looking to quotes for advice and here’s one that really pisses me off.
It all starts with a soothing background. The fog rising up from the lake just permeates a smug wisdom.
Unhappy with your job? Quit!
Well that’s nice, but what about this thing called money, security?? Do you know how long it takes to get a new job, especially when you’re fresh outta college!!
Hey, uh landlord? I’m trying to follow my heart and this shitty quote online, so can you cut me out of my lease real quick? THX! Oh wait, where am I gonna move with my imaginary money from my non-existent job?
Let go of a miserable relationship?
Yeah okay, I can’t argue this one, but you get my point.
I know that ultimately personal happiness is one of the most important achievements, but people can’t be a freakin’ ray of sunshine all the time. It just doesn’t happen. Also, it’s not always realistic to do exactly what will make you happy. Sometimes you have to feel stuck for a little while before
That said, I don’t think you should waste years of your life on anything that’s not making you super fucking pumped to do everyday. Even if your job or whatever is not perfect, perhaps it allows you the chance to write poetry, practice for your weekend band, or train for a marathon. Feel stuck, get unstuck, and stop reading terrible quotes that won’t make a lick of difference in your life.